How To Stop Being a People Pleaser
This week we're looking at The Manual by Epictetus. Why it's important to focus on those things you can control and not allow external events to affect you
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you over-apologise?
Do you say ‘Yes’ to avoid conflict?
Do you find yourself agreeing with others even when you don’t?
Do you feel guilty when others get upset at you voicing your opinion?
These are signs you’re a people pleaser.
You desire approval from friends and family because you believe that’s the only way you’ll be accepted.
And at work, you’re always tip-toeing around your boss because you’re worried about upsetting them.
So your boss takes advantage of your incessant people-pleasing habit. He gives you last-minute projects with impossible deadlines because he knows you won’t say ‘No’. And that you’ll sacrifice your family time for work.
This chronic impulse of yours leads to an unhappy life.
Is there a cure?
As Epictetus says, “If it should ever happen to you to be turned to externals in order to please some person, you must know that you have lost your purpose in life.”
This is because when you allow other people’s opinions to control you, you’re living someone’s life and not your own.
The Manual (Enchiridion) by Epictetus is a cure.
Epictetus knew if you place a premium on the opinions of others then you become a slave to them. He writes, “Whoever then wishes to be free, let him neither wish for anything nor avoid anything which depends on others. If he does not observe this rule, he must be a slave.”
Your mental health is on the line.
So how do you stop chronic people-pleasing even if you’ve tried everything else and failed?
Discover Epictetus’ practical precepts in this episode:
Epictetus was a Greek philosopher who lived in the 2nd century. One of the most influential figures in Stoicism. He was born into slavery. But later gained his freedom and became a teacher. The Manual (complied by Arrian, Epictetus’s student) is 53 short practical chapters for daily life.
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Till next week, peace!
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