Breaking free from approval addiction: The key to a happy life

Feb 23, 2023

For years, you’ve cared deeply about what others thought of you.

But have you stopped and asked why their approvals are so important to you?

Do you fear that they might not like you? Fear is a powerful force.

Maybe you believe you need external affirmations to thrive and exist.

And a world without approval from friends and mentors is terrifying.

Rightly so. We’re social creatures. It’s counter-intuitive to not seek validation.

We’re not raised to be independent thinkers.

Everything about us screams collective consciousness from the way we dress to the foods we eat, to the rituals we practice, and to the songs we sing.

And there’s a time and place for all this.

But this is not that time or place.

Why are you trying to make yourself more acceptable and manageable for others?

Why are you seeking external affirmations to be yourself?

There’s nothing outside yourself that can make you whole.

There is no man or woman or pet that can do that for you. You don’t need those “like” on your social media.

Seeking people’s approval leaves you empty, bare, and unhappy.

So why are you still chasing it?

When you try to be everything to everyone, you burnout and lose your unique self.

The first condition for happiness is courage.

Courage to love yourself. Courage to stand up for yourself. Courage to believe in yourself. Courage to embrace suffering. Courage to face your fears.

Don’t reduce your existence in an effort to please others.

This is not an excuse to be a jerk.

Rather it’s a call to stand up for yourself even at the peril of offending others and losing friends.

Not everyone will like you. Overcome this fear. Embrace this truth. And find the freedom to be courageous.

I’m IJ. I’m a philosopher, product designer and martial artist.

I’ve spent the last 6 years working on becoming antifragile. I write to share my learnings on living an action-oriented life.

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